The fallibility of vintage Lucas electrical components is a perennial
source of both consternation and humour for the nutty, sometimes
erudite enthusiasts of British sports cars and motorcycles.
Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and
Splices.
The Prince's last words to his son:
"don't go riding after dark"
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still
claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and
IGNITE.
Lucas dip-switch positions: HIGH and BLOW
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never
experienced any prob...
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
In 1947 Lucas tried to get Parliament
to repeal Ohms Law, but the effort failed because
it met too much resistance.
To owner of a Land Rover: "How can you tell one switch
from another at night, since they all look the same?" Owner:
"Doesn't matter - none of them work!"
During the 1970's, Lucas diversified its product
line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the
only product Lucas ever offered which didn't suck.
Lucas Quality Control often advised the engineering
department that their designs had problems with shorting out.
Engineering always made the wires a little longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone,
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, and
Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit.
Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a
random frequency.
How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.
Lucas won over Bosch to supply
electrics for the new Volkswagens, so cars from
the Black Forest have electrical systems from the
Prince of Darkness.
